THE MOTHER OF ALL URBAN LEGENDS

 I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering
 from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried
 Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he
 was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all
 over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD
 BEEN STOLEN, and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call
 911!" But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected
 to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
 destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the
 crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
 programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon
 when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a
 global disaster in which all the computers get together and
 distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe under the
 leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true -- I read it all last week
 in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising
 me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the
 e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911
 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into
 the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle
 around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world
 of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital --
 the one, actually, where that little boy who is dying of cancer
 is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send
 him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay
 him a nickel for every e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails
 and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an
 angel (if you get it and forward it to 20 people you will have
 good luck but 10 people you will only have OK luck and if you
 send it to less than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN
 YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the
 hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along
 without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at
 him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. And it's
 a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.