If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered
a hostage situation?

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be
gone.  I said "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT
of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above
me are furious.

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the
Special Olympics?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice
as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the
battery is dead?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why are they called buildings when they are already finished?
Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they
already know you don't have?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the
universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backwards,
would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When 2 airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss?
It sounds like a near hit to me!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in
charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always
ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but
dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels?  Aren't they clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to "IV's" as "4's"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just
SEEM  longer?

 I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the
self-help section?"  She said if she told me, it would really defeat the purpose.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are
they all still working?

Isn't the best way to save face, to keep the lower part shut?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.