Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
 However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire.  Thus
 we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm  shrinking!"
 The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a  little patient."

 A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins  that
 would live forever if they were fed a steady diet of young seagulls.  One  day his supply
of the hatchlings ran out, so he had to go out and trap some  more. On the way back, he
spied two lions asleep on the road.  Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.
Immediately, he was arrested and  charged with transporting young gulls across sedate lions
for immortal  porpoises.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with
 the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a  particular fern were
a sure cure for any case of constipation. When  the  anthropologist expressed his doubts,
the brujo looked him in the eye and  said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

 Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to  produce
 other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches,  decided to market
compasses for the pioneers traveling west.  It turned  out  that although their watches were of finest
quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California.  This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory  equipment. A spokesperson
was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

 An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.  After a brief examination,
the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of  elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off,
chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day.  After a month, the medicine man returned to see how
the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

 A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name  missing from the town register.
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
 Leif off my census."

 There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on an  elk skin and the third slept on a
hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
 hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of
the squaws of the other two hides.