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IDIOTS IN THE STORE:
 I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
 noticed  that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit
card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed. When asked why, she explained that it was
necessary to compare the  signature on the credit card with the signature
I just signed on the receipt. So, I signed the credit card in front of her. She
carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As
luck would have it, they matched.
 
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
 I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local  township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars
and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

 IDIOTS & COMPUTERS:
 My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of
a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
 their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch
 banks who had this question, "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
 terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE:
 I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next 
day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly
 excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of
daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was
 very disappointed.

 IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
 My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
 individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
 but they only had iceberg.

AN IDIOT'S IDIOT:
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
 The message, "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed
the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.