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A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on herbathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says"Mirror, mirror, on my door,
make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts
grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and
in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror
mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".Again, there's a bright flash...and his
legs fall off.

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Q:  What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A:  The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

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There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home
to Pittsburg. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass.
Well endowed, gorgeous, amazing. The priests were all in embarrassing
new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the
tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would
like three pickets to titsburg..." Whereupon he completely lost his
composure and fled.

The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to
Pittsburg," he began, "and I would like the change in nipples and
dimes." So of course he also fled.

Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to
Pittsburg, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And
I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that, when
you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at
you."

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ho ho ho here comes santa
Santa came down the chimney one night and saw a
pretty lady in a teddy. She said, 'Please stay
Santa.'
Santa said,'Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go,' then
turned around and started filling the stockings.
When he turned around again, she had removed her
top. She said,'Please stay Santa.'
Santa said, 'HO HO HO gotta go gotta go.'
Then he turned around and started putting presents
under the tree. Then he turned around again.
The woman had removed her panties. She said,
'Please stay Santa.'
Santa said, 'HO HO HO, gotta stay gotta stay,
can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!

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Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toypen?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio's face saying, "Lie to me! lie to me!"

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Q: What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
A: Wipe it off and say you're sorry