One night when him and his girlfriend are making out in a dark
corner he decides he will show her.  The man unzips his pants,
whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand.  He sits
there impatiently waiting to see her reaction.

His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A swarm of sperms is swimming frantically through the murky passages of
a human body. The main group is being led by a scout sperm who is
running up head, making sure they are all going the right way.

At some point the scout sperm goes round the corner and disappears for a
second. When the main group reaches the spot, they see the scout sperm
stand still, just his little tail whipping left and right, his little
head wagging this way and that. He looks really perplexed.

The sperms in the main group start yelling, "What`s the matter, why are
we stopping? C`mon, we gotta run, we gotta job to do, an ovum to
meet..!"

The scout sperm shushes them impatiently, then sniffs the air up ahead
some more and announces grimly: "Brothers, we`ve been had... We`re up
somebody`s ass!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

A man went to see a doctor because of a very high, squeaky, annoying
voice.  The doctor examined him, and told him that the only way would be
to replace his extremely large penis with a smaller one.  The guy is
desperate and decides to go through with the operation.  It's a great
success and the man has a fantastic baritone.

But after some time the guy's sex life deteriorates and he decides to
see the doctor to try get his original equipment back.

He says to the doctor, "Doctor, is there any way that you could get me
my organ back, my sex life has gone to pot."

"Not on your life!!" the doctor replies in a high, squeaky, annoying
voice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was
still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were
getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the
following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told
his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the
lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily
long.

They simply wrote:

"Returned unopened."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three nuns were sitting on a bench in Central Park doing their
devotions.  All of a sudden a flasher appeared in front of them and
exposed himself.
The first nun had a stroke!
The second nun unfortunately also had a stroke!
The third nun however, refused to touch him.