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If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose
go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and
Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and
John go out for lunch, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat
Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and
Useless.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie,
Bob and John will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for
$22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually
admit they want change back. When the
girls get their bill, out come
the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item
he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a
$2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom:
a tooth-brush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
from the Holiday Inn. The average
number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most
of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any
argument. Anything a man says after that
is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love
cats, but when women aren't looking,
men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband. A man never
worries about the future until
he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes
more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can
find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting
he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that
she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping,
water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read
a book, get the mail. A man
will dress up for weddings, funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as
they went to bed (which isn't saying
much). Women somehow deteriorate
during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all
about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears
and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living
in the house.