The Ant and the Grasshopper

Original Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs,
dances and plays the summer away. Come winter the ant is warm and well fed while
the grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Modern Version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying
up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs, dances and plays
he summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are
cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN all show up to provide graphic pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned
by the sharp contrast. How can it be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?

Then a representative of NAGB (The national association of the green bugs) shows up on nightline
and charges the ant with green bias, and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim of 30 million
years of greenism.

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everyone cries when he sings,
"It's not easy being green."

Bill and Hillary make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather
that they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by
those who benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers.

Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of
the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act," retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing
left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case
is tried before panel of federal hearing officers that Bill appointed from a list of single parent welfare moms
who can only hear cases on Thursdays between 1:30 and 3:00 PM. The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government
house he's in, which happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him since the grasshopper has
failed to maintain it.  The ant disappears in the snow, and on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling
most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats
announcing that a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.