My wife and I can't come to the phone right now,
but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to
you as soon as we're finished.

________________________________________________

"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot
tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through
their office and do not  need their picture taken. If you're still
with me, leave your name and number and they will get back
to you."

________________________________________________

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we're not here. So leave a message.
________________________________________________

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you
are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough
money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a
female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
_______________________________________________

 "Hi ...  Now you say something."
________________________________________________

"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so
you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."
________________________________________________

"Hello. I am David's answering machine.  What are you?"
________________________________________________

(By a Japanese man )
He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you
leave a *sexy* message, I call sooner!
______________________________________________

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself
with one of these magnets,"
________________________________________________

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just
eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.
Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message,
just hold it up to the phone.'
________________________________________________

"This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your
reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll
think about returning your call."
________________________________________________

"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
_______________________________________________

"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you
back. "
________________________________________________

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our
weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we
probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."
________________________________________________

"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel
very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and
your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you
will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and
a message."
__________________________________________________

"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your
voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for
later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use
the sound of *your* voice for literally thousands of illegal and
immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation.
However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in
the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and
to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak
clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
_________________________________________________

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by  us.
__________________________________________________

Hello, you've reached John and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone
right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya
likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right  real
slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing
our teeth, we'll get back to you.
__________________________________________________

Hi there, we're currently conducting a DNA exchange  experiment.
Please leave a message and we'll call back after our next cigarette
break.